Reflections After Jessica

This story is based on a true story about this girl I knew named Jessica.

Anyway, I was at The Lonely Beluga (it's a sports bar in Cary. I know I know!, but they have GREAT Mojitos) with my friend Rodney and I saw this girl that I went on a few dates with in '03. Her name was Jessica and she had the most beautiful red hair that you've ever seen (this side of Gabe). It's really too bad that most of the population doesn't like red-heads, cause this girl was stunning in addition to having beautiful red hair. Anyway, I had a couple in me (99 cent mojitos on Wednesdays!) and I decided to take a chance and see what she was up to.

It started out really well. When she saw me she got this look on my face like she was a little surprised, but excited to see me. We were talking about what has gone on in our lives in the last 2 years. I told her about the demise of Cardboard Celebrities and how I've been awarded a grant for my art installation project where I collect brochures advertising art installations and use them to make a papier-mache dildo that I insert into a real doll brand real doll. Jessica pointed out that a papier-mache dildo wouldn't be very comfortable and I pointed out that a real doll isn't actually real and we both had a good laugh. I don't know what it was about this girl, but it just seems like she WANTED to like me! All of my opinions were the exact opinions that she had or were very similar to her opinions. She didn't even blink an eye when I told her my views on space exploration and she said she'd never thought of sending all the Gays into space but she thought that maybe they could spruce it up a bit.

Anyway, then Rodney came over and ruined the whole thing. He said he was puking up blood and that he needed to go to the hospital. He wouldn't even let me get her phone number. And the worst part is this part: The doctor pumped Rodney's stomach and found not one drop of blood. I guess it was marinara sauce from the pepperoni pretzels or something. Oh well, I guess it's all for the best. I Remembered today why we broke up in the first place. She doesn't like baseball. What a c**t!